| you kill me |
[Oct. 22nd, 2005|07:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | eve, the apple of my eye | ] |
I'm shaking. about to cry. and he might have a girlfriend. I feel. a lot of things. I want people to write on here again because lack of myspace and livejournal makes me sad. I don't know what's going on anymore. |
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| the feelings she hides, she's lost in her mind |
[Aug. 9th, 2005|07:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | a perfect circle "imagine" | ] |
I feel like everything's going in slow motion, my brain is dead, yet everything goes by so quickly. my life is fast forward slow motion too boring idiotic.. pointless. It's all a game we play just for a pastime as we wait to die. Like a big fucking merrygoround that you get on but go only in circles, destination: right back where you came from. What do you do in your spare time? Any interesting hobbies? I like to sit and watch the seconds, minutes, hours tick by. I am wearing an abercrombie shirt. Fashion is a bitch. I am a fragmented girl, girl interupted. Part of me slashes my wrists and gleefully watches as blood drips, while I rub neosporan on tell-tale scars that fade too quickly. Must I live this meaningless life? What fresh hell? It's all shit on a half-shell, you don't need me to tell you that. |
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| the pupil in denial |
[Aug. 2nd, 2005|07:39 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bitter | ] |
| [ | music |
| | damien rice the blowers daughter | ] |
i want to die i want to die i want to die
there is nothing else to say, nor to do
lost inside stupid girl, fucked up girl
"I can't breath for the first time"
i'm a stupid cliche and when i'm dead
no one remembers, i know they don't
to cry would be a sweet release which I know not of
the feeling's gone, tape doesn't hold me together
"why do you do that?" why do you ask
you know she doesnt know and if she did
she would never tell ...... you
her heart broken, hospital visits, wire restraint
something wrong, she's passed out on your floor
when she wakes up still
i want to die i want to die i want to die
bloody tiles, bloody sheets, bloody bloodbath
pink fashion conceals self destruction
it's not hard to string words together
especially when you're insane
"i don't know" "you don't know?" "i don't know"
"that's quite all right" echoes in my mind
i want to crash onto the floor
feel sweet hard bitter hate that is love smash
against my face, brake me
why did he have to do it? why did i have to be stupid?
why am i still alive? I should have died long ago and then
all this never would have happened
I want to bleed all over these nice things
cry on his unloving shoulder
why doesn't he love me
why doesn't he love me
why doesn't he love me
i loath myself and sleep on the couch
maskara on your coushons, despair in your eyes
i don't want to fly across streets
i don't want to smile and laugh in glorious happiness
i wish i could say i don't want you to hold me
but i do
"can't take me mind, can't take my mind off of you,
till I find someone new" |
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| I will remember you . . . will you remember me? |
[Jul. 10th, 2005|07:04 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  complacent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | something classical.... | ] |
anyways.... ross..... people.... home.... gah i don't know. I feel really wierd and confused and I slept in my moms bed all day and night and when I finally go into my room it smells like barf. it freaked me out man... I feel out of place. odd. And I don't know just really wierd like nothing happened or everything did and I can't beleive I'm here at home. It sounds stupid but sometimes I feel like my heart is swelling up and I can't breath or something. And then again, sometimes I just couldn't care less. Not completely about ross just ..... everything. it's over. but still i don't know how i could have been so naiive. I wrote a poem about sadness and breakingup-ness. I don't feel like sharing.
the broken hearted, confused, and misplaced |
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| nerd camp is the way to go |
[Jul. 6th, 2005|07:44 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
ooooooooo wow i have sooooooo much to tell you i had beautiful things to write last night but i didn't put them down on paper and noooooowwwwwww they have dissappeared........ aw man. shitttttttt o well how is everyone??????? I miss you guys so much!!!!! I didn't get to watch the fireworks on fourth of july and i believe that led to a very unfortunate chain of events o well ttyl love love love Eva |
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| i hurt the flower |
[Jun. 27th, 2005|03:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
what the fuck is going on? I'm so confused.
I had liike 3 cups of coffee and i'm soooooo tired. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
why doesn't he love me??????? |
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| What a Wonderful World |
[Jun. 19th, 2005|09:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Rythm of the night | ] |
I finally see skies of blue, and I think I'm gonna be OK. As for my writing skills, I don't know. My classes were canceled due to lack of interest. But for some reason, I'm releived, I don't know why. So many things are happening and I don't know how or why, they just do. I'm going to new york, I have some new things, I'm getting more tan, life is better. I haven't tried to cut for a few days and I'm really not planning on it. Kati left this morning and it made me sad. I had a dream that it was time for finals and Halli cried and yelled something out and I blew her a kiss. I got lost in the bathrooms and my hair turned light blue and a cheerleader hit me in the face with a door. I had a headache when I woke up but it disappeared after some scrambled eggs and a pleasant morning discussion about plans with my mom. Everythings gonna be alright?
When I go to NYC I decided to be outlandish and be a different person and experience a bunch of culture and wear crazy clothes and be fantastic and make friends and be crazy. lovely, just lovely.
Whatever I took my Zoloft I'm gonna go sunbathe. Come to teen swim every weekday 9-10 at Grant pool! I'll be there! |
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| well............. sheeeeeeeeeeut |
[Jun. 18th, 2005|12:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Can't Stop Now | ] |
i got a d in bio.
but this is good.
now i retake it
in summer school
one semester
instead of two
time for vacation
NEW YORK
FUCK YEAH
I LOVE MY LIFE!
hey you guys...
come visit me!
ok loves
ps what does chipper mean? |
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| c'est votre vie vous passant près |
[Jun. 17th, 2005|07:51 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aight | ] |
| [ | music |
| | . . . . come what may . . . . | ] |
well this is my summer. I start poetry class next monday for five days. Then the next week it is memoirs. After that, six weeks of conceptual physics. Well, my summer has started wonderfully, but it does not seem as though shall end up like so. HAYLEY AND I ARE GOING ON THE OTTER POP DIET! I'm excited for that. I've gone somewhere or done something every day for the last two days and I feel accomplished. I think I'll go clean because I only have four hours before I go to lunch with my mutti. Where has everyone gone? How will I know what is going on with you? Please write. Or call me to talk. I need this. I need my life to keep going continuously without hesitation, no pregnant pauses.
I am good. Except for last night night I cried for no reason and tried to hack at my self with dull scissors. Well it didn't work. But I am alright now.
I trust that someday I may begin to believe in my future. For now I await that day and cry that it is not here as of yet. Maybe this is why......
anyway. the point is. . . suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste. |
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| hello jake! |
[Jun. 15th, 2005|10:57 am] |
| [ | music |
| | sarah brightman ~ no one like you | ] |
i'm listening to opera while the day is almost gone
i overslept and now it sucks
im going to clean
then visit you
in your dreams |
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| I never wanted to be this way |
[Jun. 14th, 2005|10:12 pm] |
well i don't know who you are, you girl in the mirror
it's not as if I would care to either
what the hell is my life
f♥ck i hate the f♥cking tv always blaring in the background |
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| me talk pretty one day |
[Jun. 14th, 2005|06:59 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | remorseful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | evanescence "imaginary" | ] |
my life has passed me by and everything I had planned
someday fades into a dream that I can't remember
because that's the way I am
that's the way it is
my life will never be beautiful or profound
it will just be stuck, here, as it is now, in this land of hellish nightmares
spun from gossomer strands of a bland life and dead thoughts
i hate this place, i hate myself, it doesn't go away
im drunk in English but he's gone and it's all gone
everything I ever wanted is 20 lightyears away
and i don't even know how far that is.
please make my life fall away because it's better than waiting |
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| well this means i'm cool |
[Jun. 13th, 2005|08:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | ok | ] |
| [ | music |
| | that song from almost famous | ] |
I have friends! yay! I'm happy for myself! . . . kinda.
dont give me shit about i'm ditching old friends ~ you ditched me first so there. anyways i still love ya and call me still if you think of it! ♥
why hasn't anyone written on here in so long? |
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| GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH |
[Jun. 12th, 2005|04:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | well im aight | ] |
| [ | music |
| | f♥cking monty pithon | ] |
my life just feels somewhat torturous in all it's simplicity and happiness. I'm sooo lonely and aching. |
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| i know why your heart cries |
[Jun. 12th, 2005|10:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | empty | ] |
the sun went away and i am cold again
i ♥ jake
but lingering kisses must eventually fade away
that's how the story really ends |
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| automatic supersonic hypnotic funky fresh |
[Jun. 10th, 2005|02:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | restless | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the ramones "i wanna be sedated" | ] |
life is good
and now i'm smiling
but strangely enough
there's still something missing
i'm looking forward again
but the now is empty
i'll try to listen to my heart
but it hasn't been tested
you know - for retardedness |
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| We're all going to hell |
[Jun. 5th, 2005|07:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  weird | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the vagina song | ] |
Hilary Duff and friends
giant dinosaurs
they almost stepped on you
i ran away into the mountains
dad was there
we went to find me a manicure
and asked the hookers for help
when i got there
natalie gave me a hug from behind
i say hi natalie and she leaves
i go to the pool of security
and a fat animal thing
comes out of the house
ew that is so gross i scream
and the cat comes over
and it's natalie even though
she doesn't say anything
i heart natalie
where the fuck is my manicure? |
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| But I am not a queen |
[Jun. 2nd, 2005|08:02 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the vagina song | ] |
I wish I could be beautiful. I want long long long pants to wear with 4 inch heels but just pretend I am that tall. I don't want to be sexy or anything, I just want to be loved. Is that too much to ask? I just want to kiss someone and wear something that is amazing and take a valium so i won't be so aware. So you can't see me? I can't see you either. Because you're behind a big giant wall and it's gray and giving me a headache. I think I need some phoenix tears for my arm and elephant tranquilizers for my brain and I'm not compulsive just insane. Where the hell is prince charming because I've been waiting to be swept off my feet but all I have is some shoes that hurt and a box of condoms. I wanna go sniff some glue. I wanna be sedated. I think I'll go OD now. |
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